Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Delusional Gloom Blogfest!

I'm catching wind of this at the last minute, but I totally wanted to join the Delusional Gloom Blogfest!  I chose what is probably the most morbid option, which is to write my own obituary.  Here's what I was able to come up with on the fly:

Gina M. Ciocca, age 30, was found dead in her home on Tuesday, March 15th.  Cause of death is undetermined, but Mrs. Ciocca was face-down in her keyboard, igniting suspicion that her last attempt at querying her unpublished novel may have done her in.

Gina is predeceased by her two grandfathers, Antonio, and Gino, for whom she is named.  They are currently getting on her case in Heaven for being an Italian who doesn't speak Italian, or drink coffee, who rarely drinks wine, and has never been to Italy.  Eternity is going to feel very long for this young woman. 

She is survived by her loving parents, one sister, several siblings-in-law, and eleven first cousins, all of whom were taller and better looking than the deceased.  To quote Gina: "WTF is up with that?"  She is also survived by her beloved husband, the only person of those mentioned above to possess knowledge of Gina's secret attempts at authorhood.  Mr. Ciocca says, "I knew she hated querying, but I never thought it would lead to this.  What am I supposed to do now?  I don't know how to cook!"

While cooking was not one of Gina's favorite past times, she enjoyed shopping, spending time with her loud and loving family, shopping, jogging, and of course, reading and writing.  Gina was always in advanced reading classes in school, and forever had her nose in a book.  She was famous for bringing books to parties and picnics, ignoring her mother's accusations of being anti-social.  Though Gina later dropped her habit of bringing her own entertainment to parties, she adopted the motto, "I own my anti-socialness!"  Sadly, she passed before realizing her dream of publication, and also before realizing her slightly more piddly dream of hosting a contest on her blog.

Ironically, the title of Gina's unpublished novel is Life Before Death.  Currently, it is being burned, page by page, by her husband as he screams, "You're the reason she never wanted to watch TV with me!"  Gina's friends and family take comfort in knowing she'll watch over them in Life After Death.


  1. Ha! This is great! Totally made me laugh--esp the part about your grandfathers. Oh, and the part about your husband burning your ms.

    I'm ready to sign up for your blogfest when you host one!

  2. Oh boy did I laugh - the images of the hubby and the manuscript seem very familiar to me :) . Lovely piece of writing, made me chuckle!

  3. Bahaha! Oh...I think I snorted a few times there. Hilarious! Great entry!

  4. HAHAHA. I love this so much. And you too :D
    but yeah, on a more serious note, you better not pass away before getting that book published. i'm reading it at the moment, and trust me, it'd be such a waste. really.

  5. Hi,

    Hee hee. Lovely and funny obituary! I bet a lot of hubbies would love to delete the odd novel or two from our harddrives. ;)


  6. Love this and the title of your almost best seller! Well Done~

  7. LOL! I completely relate! The huge family, the better-looking (in my case, much thinner) cousins, the unpublished manuscript.... You're my long lost sister!
    Funniest entry yet! Love it!

  8. HA- larious! and EEK--no, you stay put for many years to come!

  9. Well done! I got a good laugh!

  10. It really does feel like you die a little when you get rejected, doesn't it? At least you will have company all throughout Eternity. They're family - they'll forgive you eventually : or try to teach you Italian! You made me laugh. Come check out my entry, will you? Roland

  11. lovely, I could've written it myself except I'm way older,not Italian and drink wine. But otherwise we are twins. I feel Italian. Oh yes, and I'm tall.
    Jan Morrison

  12. really looking foward to reading it now see how it was part of your downfall - very funny well done

  13. Lots of great stuff n here: What am I supposed to do now? I don't know how to cook!"”, "I own my anti-socialness!" Very fun read.

  14. I feel your pain.

    This was funny and well done!

  15. So funny in so many places. I am really glad that I don't have to query anymore.
    N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium, Special .99 through April 30

  16. What's an nice Italian girl like you writing an obituary for? YOU must have plenty of family you'd like to knock off...LOL

    I grew up in a LOUD Italian Family too. The youngest of three boys... The oldest A god to everyone in the family except me.

    Why aren't you as smart as Frankie? Why can't you cook like Vinnie? Yadda, yadda, yadda! Yes those ARE my brother's name. Named after the grandfather's.

    I was an unexpected surprise and nameless for a week because my mother was super peeved she gave birth to another boy. I was named after Dad... Another MICHAEL! EEEEEEEK!

    But, luckily it all panned out, I tower of my brother's and I'm the only one with blue eyes..... Revenge is sweet...LOL

    LOVED your obit... I'm a new follower/friend...Italians must stick together lol


  17. Death by query. I can believe that. Hope you got some chocolate and coffee in before that did you in. :D

  18. Ha! Very snortworthy post... I especially loved the image of the hubby burning the manuscript, and the fact that he seemed more upset that you didn't watch the box with him rather than the fact you had *died*...


  19. LOL omg

    Queries are deadly, truly they are.

    *hands over chocolate*

  20. Death by Query! Oi! That feels only too possible! Love your husband's reaction, but this:
    "and eleven first cousins, all of whom were taller and better looking than the deceased. To quote Gina: "WTF is up with that?" "

    had to be my favorite *snort* (and you could do worse than being pestered by grandpas for an eternity)

  21. Is there any danger Death by Query will become an epidemic?

    I'm Italian and I totally recognize your after life fears. Keep smiling.

  22. I love it. The ending is cute, because I never watch TV either. Great way to pick for death, because rejections probably do people in a lot. Funny, that you listed shopping twice. Hahaha

    Draven Ames

  23. I never went anywhere without a book when I was a teen. So many of my brother's baseball games and family gatherings were made more pleasant with a book!