... is what the headline would be for my life right now. Though it hasn't reached meltdown status YET, and calling myself "young" at thirty is probably pushing it.
It's amazing how a little time away from your manuscript can give you a whole new perspective. And you know what my lovely little epiphany turned out to be? This thing needs a major friggin' overhaul.
At first I thought it was just a matter of moving things around. I had too much going on in the third chapter, not enough in the fourth, and so on. A little cutting and pasting should solve that problem. But it has turned into so. much. more.
Believe me, I know it's for the better. But it feels like a game of Jenga. Remove a piece, and now there's a hole. A weak spot. One false move and you can send the whole thing toppling down around you, unless you find the best possible way to reconstruct the pieces.
I suck at Jenga.
So this morning I woke up feeling less than confident, especially because no one offered an opinion on my Would You Read On?? Part Deux post, despite the encouraging responses on the first. But also because I keep wondering if the day will come where I look at my manuscript and decide, this is pretty damn good! Or will I just keep finding changes to make? And even if I do reach manuscript Nirvana, what in sam hell am I going to do about my rejected-more-than-Jennifer-Aniston query letter?!
Lo and behold, things have a way of working out when you need them to. Natalie Whipple is offering the equivalent of a dating service on her blog - except she's matching people with critique partners. Clearly, I am in dire need of crit partners, since I refuse to reveal my secret author side to those who know me best. So the opportunity to let total strangers tell me how I can do better? What luck! I signed up immediately.
Then I came across this post by Leigh Ann, in which she refers to my blog as "pretty awesome". It absolutely, positively made my day. I have no idea how she found me, but the fact that she would use the word awesome to describe things I've written is a huge, HUGE piece of encouragement.
And last but not least, this post was sitting in my blogroll this morning, letting me know I was the recipient of one of Aleeza's Stylish Blogger Awards! (Which by the way I know there are certain duties that go along with the honor and I'll try to get to them!)
It's amazing how little things like these can pick you up when you're feeling utterly useless. It was enough to motivate me to sift through the rubble of my manuscript and keep plugging on the rebuild. It may still be a construction zone right now, but sooner or later it will emerge structurally sound. Hopefully I'll find the right help to get it there, and then my goal will be well within my reach. I have to believe things will get better, otherwise.... well, you read the title of the post.
But enough about me. How are you?